


Full of Peril

by JoAsakura



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2309846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoAsakura/pseuds/JoAsakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU where Fenris is a warden, Varel's not dead and things in Thedas are occasionally ok.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full of Peril

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cypheroftyr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypheroftyr/gifts).



The mission had been a simple one. What appeared to be an entrance into the Deep Roads had been discovered in a wine cellar, and the Warden-Commander, not to be distracted from his weekly habit of writing bad, orlesian-style poetry to the leader of a certain criminal organization in Antiva, sent four of his most trusted subordinates to determine the level of threat.

Somewhere not long after Velanna made the random comment of "I had no idea there were feral nug colonies in the deep roads", a section of flooring, loosened by the constant burrowing beneath, gave way and deposited Oghren in what could only be described as..

"Someone throw me an ancestor-damned rope." The dwarf said, disgust in his rough voice. "I'm in a pit fulla nug shit."

"We left the rope back at the Keep because you all said 'this would be easy, let's pack lunch for once'." Velanna sighed. "There's no good plants down here for me to magic. Can't you just climb out?"

"In case ya hadn't noticed, I ain't got long-ass gangly twigs fer limbs like you freaks of nature do." Oghren sighed. "An' the walls are.." he paused. "Gross."

"That's really saying something if the dwarf is disgusted." Nathaniel crouched by the edge of the pit, wrinkling his nose. "Velanna, you're light. Fen and I can hold you by the ankles, and you can.."

"...No." 

Nathaniel paused, jaw working in silence for a moment. "Right then."

"I'm far stronger than you. I'll hold your ankles.." Fenris drove his sword into the ground and tested it. "It'll hold. I'll hold you, you pull up the smelly dwarf."

"Works for me." the archer shrugged. "I'm probably going to have to burn these gloves later, though."

"I CAN HEAR YOU BOTH." The dwarf in question bellowed.

Cautiously, Fenris helped Nate inch into the opening of the pit, until in one sure grab, he took hold of the back of Oghren's filthy blue and silver armour. "Haul us up, Fen." He shouted.

"Can't ya just take my hand?! I feel like a friggin' kitten!" Oghren flailed. 

"Your armour straps aren't covered in greasy nug poop." Nate grunted, arms straining at the dwarf's solid weight as Fenris slowly pulled him back. "Now, quit squirming!"

The dwarf finally free, Fenris stretched his arms and padded over to the edge of the pit. "The Deep Roads are perilous." He said in his most serious voice.

The effect was ruined moments later when the ledge gave way and deposited him exactly where his companion had been a moment before. There was a solid clang-splat and then a deadly, furious silence. Nate and Oghren peered over the broken ledge, and even Velanna inched closer. In the shadows, there was an angry glitter of green. "One word and I will kill you all."

The respectful quiet lasted less than a second. "Dainty." Oghren choked out and Nathaniel failed miserably to suppress the tortured giggle-snort that burst forth scant moments later.

Despite the fact that the only other witnesses to this affair were a few feral nugs scratching nearby, Velanna covered her face with a groan.

"I know where you sleep, Nathaniel. And I have a key." Fenris grumbled as he slowly pulled himself up out of the pit.

"I wasn't laughing. I have.. I have allergies." The archer said, voice cracking.

"In for a copper.." Fenris shook his head, and with one swift grab to the ankle, threw Nate over his shoulder into the muck.

"FENRIS!!" He gagged. "MAKER I HATE YOU."

"I'm leaving you all here." Velanna scrubbed her hands across her face as Oghren's bellowing laugh was cut short, the archer dragging him back in as well. "The darkspawn smell better and are infinitely less ridiculous."

"Oh, now, Velanna, I don't know about that." Fenris said, hauling himself up. "You do look a bit pale, though. You could use some colour."

When the ball of muck splatted against her cheek, even the creatures scrabbling in the dark froze in terror at the sound.

~~

"You had one job." Varel said, disappointment writ in every line of his face. No one liked it when he was in Disappointed Senechal Mode. No one.

"The deep roads are perilous?" Fenris tried again.

Varel simply scowled. "None of you are entering the Keep until you get hosed off."

"Well, on the bright side, we can use the baths later and no one will bother us." Nate whispered with a waggle of eyebrows as the first bucket of water was dumped on them. "I can think of some creative uses for soap."

When asked later why his ears were red, Fenris would only mutter something about allergies.


End file.
